Why my DeathList is totally ROKKEN!
Yes, I've mentioned before that my list is so rokken that Don Dokken himself could have written it in between coke hits off of a Danish whore's belly. The only list that could have been any more rokken would be a theoretical list written by Ronnie James Dio in the margins to the original lyrics to "Holy Diver." ROCK!
Let's face the cold, hard reality: it's TRUE! My list dominates!
The proof: In the 3 weeks since I wrote this list, SIX of my twenty people have been in the news.
1.) Coretta King died, which made the news. She was on my list for exactly three days. Talk about return on investment!
2.) All the living presidents EXCEPT Gerald Ford were at King's funeral, so Ford made the news for being too ill to attend. It doesn't bode well for Ford, but if he's on your list, it's only a matter of time.
3.) Dick Van Patten had a STROKE, though he seems to be OK for now. Still, having a stroke is not GOOD news. Maybe the asshole shouldn't have eaten actual dog food in those commercials back in the day?
4.) Tom Sizemore has been ordered back into rehab! At this point, the dude has his mail forwarded to Betty Ford Clinic, and is trying to institute a frequent visitor discount program. Courtney Love thinks this guy has a drug problem.
5.) Speaking of Courtney, the former Hole frontwoman has made news by finally getting out of rehab! I'm sure we're all convinced that SHE's totally clean.
6.) And of course Dick Cheney shot a hunting buddy in the face. I think the irony here is that his buddy was fine due to the immediate response from the team of puppeteers/paramedics who are charged with the task of keeping Cheney's reanimated corpse dancing. I'd imagine the added scrutiny from the shooting might be more that Big Dick can bear. Radio stations around the country should sychronize the playing of Filter's "Hey Man, Nice Shot" to commemorate the moment.
So, while I have only ONE death, the list is just bustling with activity in the early going.
The Death Council (BadAss, Kerberos, and I) are going to post our impressions of the lists soon, maybe even having a few "best in show" awards mixed in. Keep in mind that despite any positive or encouraging comments I make, MY LIST IS BETTER THAN YOURS.
An administrative note: There are two lists that have not yet been published, as those two participants are currently out of town, and I need replacement picks on them.
Let's face the cold, hard reality: it's TRUE! My list dominates!
The proof: In the 3 weeks since I wrote this list, SIX of my twenty people have been in the news.
1.) Coretta King died, which made the news. She was on my list for exactly three days. Talk about return on investment!
2.) All the living presidents EXCEPT Gerald Ford were at King's funeral, so Ford made the news for being too ill to attend. It doesn't bode well for Ford, but if he's on your list, it's only a matter of time.
3.) Dick Van Patten had a STROKE, though he seems to be OK for now. Still, having a stroke is not GOOD news. Maybe the asshole shouldn't have eaten actual dog food in those commercials back in the day?
4.) Tom Sizemore has been ordered back into rehab! At this point, the dude has his mail forwarded to Betty Ford Clinic, and is trying to institute a frequent visitor discount program. Courtney Love thinks this guy has a drug problem.
5.) Speaking of Courtney, the former Hole frontwoman has made news by finally getting out of rehab! I'm sure we're all convinced that SHE's totally clean.
6.) And of course Dick Cheney shot a hunting buddy in the face. I think the irony here is that his buddy was fine due to the immediate response from the team of puppeteers/paramedics who are charged with the task of keeping Cheney's reanimated corpse dancing. I'd imagine the added scrutiny from the shooting might be more that Big Dick can bear. Radio stations around the country should sychronize the playing of Filter's "Hey Man, Nice Shot" to commemorate the moment.
So, while I have only ONE death, the list is just bustling with activity in the early going.
The Death Council (BadAss, Kerberos, and I) are going to post our impressions of the lists soon, maybe even having a few "best in show" awards mixed in. Keep in mind that despite any positive or encouraging comments I make, MY LIST IS BETTER THAN YOURS.
An administrative note: There are two lists that have not yet been published, as those two participants are currently out of town, and I need replacement picks on them.
posted by TheGrimReaper at 14:57
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